Am I to be pardoned

You don’t have craze for a particular thing … that is how you justify.
But you go on repeating the same activity… that is what he questioned.
Can we call it an accident? You are not supposed to call it an accident because accidents happen only when you face it suddenly. When the atmosphere is made relevant for an accident to occur, then it is no more an accident. It is a deliberate action—which your subconscious or conscious mind always has a desire to seek. May be that is why you repeat the same mistakes again and again.
Whether repeated mistakes are to be pardoned that is again a big question. I doubt, whether I would have tolerated or not for the wrong doings the other person! It would have been very difficult for me to tolerate if the situation had to be vice versa.
I have no reply. I could not justify myself… I go on asking, why I am so unsatisfied? What am I searching for? Why do I bring trouble to myself despite knowing that I should avoid them? A lot many things creep in to my mind. I know I don’t deserve to be pardoned. How can I be so selfish that I go on hurting the person I love so much.
It is utterly selfishness and now I feel sorry… I could not recognize the true love; I went on hurting again and again—may be because I knew I will be forgiven. I doubt myself, if he is the world for me then why have we gone away.
Which is more important—the social rules or our staying away?
When the realization came it is too late. I have no words to express my repentance. I know I am spending my days like a living dead. But still I hesitate to take a step ahead or say let’s reconcile. And start a new life.
I wonder do I deserve to be forgiven. Things are no more the same. How liberal one can be. Was not his sacrifice more than what a normal person can do? How can I repay his sacrifice…Am I to be pardoned?

Have I mistaken in understanding you????

You always accuse me that whenever you say something I deduce a negative conclusion. Is it really so that I am becoming so pessimistic day by day?
Every time you speak I can sense the artificiality. If not showing care is another side of what you call love then I have never experienced such things—for me meaning of love is care, tolerance, inspiration which cannot be bought with money.
Often I sit and think am I mistaken? Do I know you? I don’t know whether there can be any reason behind loving someone or not…..
People say how can you know what are his plans? Why does he love you—It can be mere pretension. May be an unrevealed greed, a desire or may be a guilt factor.
Something is terribly wrong—you don’t like my dress sense, my nature and everything I do. Then… How can you think of living a life with a person whom you don’t like at all?
What is unrevealed is not to my reach, but I feel sad… whenever I desired loved……
I doubt I must have mistaken in understanding you too…

Is this love????

Often wonder what is love? I can understand it is no good in trying to define.. Still sometimes I feel this is more a 'misunderstanding between two fools than something special'.
At times I feel love doesnot exist at all. And there are some other moments when I feel those long waitings.....those loving and caring SMSes and all the more.... the reminiscences that make you smile....
Is this love?????