It is slowly becoming a habit……
Good morning. Have a nice day ahead.
That is how my day begins. I wait and wait till I hear the beep in my phone. I did not realize that habit is trying to rule me. One day when habit started to become expectations…..I opened my eyes only to discover, life is far away from reality and I am running after a mirage—that can never be real.
I don’t think any of us remember when our friendship began. We closed our eyes and before knowing that we have started to move away far beyond the parameters of friendship, we landed up somewhere—a never never land.
Days went on. We could not find an answer to our questions. Was he clear about what he is up to?
Too practical!!!
Do you love me?
Not everything needs to be spoken out….
So goes the conversation.
Sitting silently I reminisce. I miss the long calls, the caring messages, the discussions and debates we have. I ask myself, “What was my fault?”
Not interested so .....
I paused for a moment…..the world revolved with more pace--there was nothing to be said or complained, for he was not ready to hear.
How can you be so rude?
I go on inquiring...
Friday, November 28, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Why man repeats the same mistakes
Paulo Coelho quoted, “Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.”
After long waiting, the day has finally arrived. Some accuses, some aspirations and may be a secret desire also accompanied the arrival. We went on closer and closer, though the relation undefined, and ended up in an alien domain from where the route back home was not to be seen.
I am unable to find out why man repeats the same mistakes again and again! Was it a very well designed, well-planned activity? I doubt….for practical people have a reason for doing everything. Often struggle with myself, was it my desire too?
No one knows whenever I ask “why”. He throws back the same question on me and says if I ask you the same question? If I ask you to define our relation and many more questions, he thinks that I too will never have an answer.
He came and went only to leave footprints on my heart…… to make me realize that I am no more the same as I was before his arrival. He made me feel that I have made the same mistake again.
How could I trust someone? What I always think to be love may not necessarily mean to be love but a strong lust…. a never fulfilled desire or may be a challenge. Or it may be just a give and take for what I owe or may be an attempt to shatter my pride.
I feel I am no where-- the defeat left me shattered! I end up in the most awkward predicament. I don’t have a reply to what my people inquires, “Why people repeat the same mistakes again and again?”
After long waiting, the day has finally arrived. Some accuses, some aspirations and may be a secret desire also accompanied the arrival. We went on closer and closer, though the relation undefined, and ended up in an alien domain from where the route back home was not to be seen.
I am unable to find out why man repeats the same mistakes again and again! Was it a very well designed, well-planned activity? I doubt….for practical people have a reason for doing everything. Often struggle with myself, was it my desire too?
No one knows whenever I ask “why”. He throws back the same question on me and says if I ask you the same question? If I ask you to define our relation and many more questions, he thinks that I too will never have an answer.
He came and went only to leave footprints on my heart…… to make me realize that I am no more the same as I was before his arrival. He made me feel that I have made the same mistake again.
How could I trust someone? What I always think to be love may not necessarily mean to be love but a strong lust…. a never fulfilled desire or may be a challenge. Or it may be just a give and take for what I owe or may be an attempt to shatter my pride.
I feel I am no where-- the defeat left me shattered! I end up in the most awkward predicament. I don’t have a reply to what my people inquires, “Why people repeat the same mistakes again and again?”
Friday, November 7, 2008
I wish there is a “delete” button in the Brain
Life is full of understandings and misunderstandings. It is not easy to extract the truth in it unless you have the capability to judge yourself and understand what makes your life so miserable.
You need to develop the quality to forget and forgive. But forgetting is not that easy. There is no delete button in your brain like that in the computer. You cannot just empty the thrash folder and delete all the unwanted files from the memory with a single click. You cannot be self-deceptive even, and become indifferent to everything that comes to your way.
However life is by itself a question….. memory looms… you reminisce and add few more reasons to cry to the long list of causes that already exist in your whole being. You don’t know what troubles you…. What makes you laugh…… or what makes you cry.
Expectations grow to infinity…a contradictory opinion between pragmatist and idealist leaves you in utter confusion and you move on.
Is it wrong to dream? If not, then why do you care when an enigmatic dream is broken? So goes the whole search for truth. You cannot forget, you cannot forgive and you cannot accept also.
The agony of losing someone excruciates you and leaves you with another thought again.
The untold story inside you torments and you are left with no courage to begin…Then? Why did you start such a story? What made you run after illusions? If you are prohibited to dream, you should not. If you are not meant to love you should not. And, of course, it is insensible to confess to someone who is self-deceptive himself/herself.
I know, Maya Angelou quoted once, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” Still I would say there is no harm in bearing a secret than speaking out to someone who is self-deceptive and selfish, someone who calls himself realistic but dares to face reality…
It is true, even if you know everything you cannot, ‘cos , what matters you is love. You cannot run away from the past, from your memories and your feelings. Because forgetting is the best way to remember, you tend to remember, especially those moments and things that you most need to forget.
May be that is what makes me think, “I wish I had a delete button in my brain!”
You need to develop the quality to forget and forgive. But forgetting is not that easy. There is no delete button in your brain like that in the computer. You cannot just empty the thrash folder and delete all the unwanted files from the memory with a single click. You cannot be self-deceptive even, and become indifferent to everything that comes to your way.
However life is by itself a question….. memory looms… you reminisce and add few more reasons to cry to the long list of causes that already exist in your whole being. You don’t know what troubles you…. What makes you laugh…… or what makes you cry.
Expectations grow to infinity…a contradictory opinion between pragmatist and idealist leaves you in utter confusion and you move on.
Is it wrong to dream? If not, then why do you care when an enigmatic dream is broken? So goes the whole search for truth. You cannot forget, you cannot forgive and you cannot accept also.
The agony of losing someone excruciates you and leaves you with another thought again.
The untold story inside you torments and you are left with no courage to begin…Then? Why did you start such a story? What made you run after illusions? If you are prohibited to dream, you should not. If you are not meant to love you should not. And, of course, it is insensible to confess to someone who is self-deceptive himself/herself.
I know, Maya Angelou quoted once, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” Still I would say there is no harm in bearing a secret than speaking out to someone who is self-deceptive and selfish, someone who calls himself realistic but dares to face reality…
It is true, even if you know everything you cannot, ‘cos , what matters you is love. You cannot run away from the past, from your memories and your feelings. Because forgetting is the best way to remember, you tend to remember, especially those moments and things that you most need to forget.
May be that is what makes me think, “I wish I had a delete button in my brain!”
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