You owe me a cup of coffee……shall I come to your place

"A Relation Is Like a Bird,
If you Catch Tightly It Dies,
If you Catch It Loosely It Flies,
But If You Catch Affectionately, It Remains With you forever. …”

This is what he refers as the “mantra” of any relationship. Once again in a dilemma … Do a relation exist between us? If yes than is it affection that what bind us???

How long do you want to continue it? I often try to enquire. It is a big mystery I try to unravel— only to find out that we have no answers.

Our unlimited talk goes on and on. I don’t know whether the expectations are increasing or decreasing. I have no idea what exactly I am searching for; neither do I have a well-defined vision of what we can call the association to be.

But someone is becoming more close to my heart.

We share our feelings, we talk, we express and speak out our heart and so goes on our days….. But do we actually like to be with each other? Do we really enjoy talking? If not, what it is?

We plan for long walks, may be an evening in the corner of a coffee house or probably a long drive enjoying the silence of the long curly roads leading to unknown lands. And of course we long for those sensational seconds in each others arms forgetting the whole world around.

Often we desire let not the time go away….let’s cherish. Every time a strong desire creeps in to the mind…. I know it cannot be love…. If not love then why?

He says, “You owe me a cup of coffee. Shall I come to your place?”. I don’t know, what we aspire. I ask myself, do I really owe a cup of coffee? Or are we trying to hide our desire in the smokey swirls of the “hot coffee” Or is it something more than a heart’s desire??

Lemme try…….and be true to my self… if not to the mind but to the heart.. Let me say I don’t know what desires are, neither I know what lies beyond desire. But when you are near (may be for a coffee or whatever), I feel peace is near with all love in the air.
Now I know where happiness lies and what I owe to you—a cappuccino or a cold coffee blended with…..

An untold story ….the confessions….

It is said, expectations never end—a never ending journey. It goes on. May be this time it can be something more than what actually you would like to possess.

Everything is crystal clear but still you desire only to realise that you have reached no where near to the realm of happiness. You know the person you desire have no soft corner, because if love is not in the heart than love cannot be in the airs.

Life is just crazy—you don’t know where next— whatever comes to you brings along lot of sufferings and joy. I feel very restless. A whole lot of things haunt my mind. Is it so difficult to forgive someone? Why is it becoming difficult for me to digest what he confessed?

I wonder, whether I am doing the right thing! We all live in a self created exile hiding our faces under a veil, slowly closing the eyes just like the cat that closes his eyes while stealing milk, pretending as if no one in the world has seen him.
Sometimes I am in a dilemma, are we actually living or pretending to live?? What made him confess was neither love for me nor respect. May be he wanted to lighten the heart by speaking out to someone….or may be anyone.

Is it guilt or something else that made him confess, I am unsure. But what he said made me look at relationships from a completely different dimension. Where lies the essence of relationship, which he had with that “girl”? Was it love, lust or a mere habit of fulfilling the “needs”? Again and again I think, first time it was a mistake but can we call it a “mistake” if done intentionally again and again?
Which phase of love is it? If it is love than how can be society and obligations overrule it and if it is a mere question of “satisfying the lust” why with someone whom you give the name of “love”!
Was it infatuation then? You liked to spend time, you shared feelings, you loved …..and enjoyed that ecstatic moments of being in delectation. Now you completely refute there was anything called love, but that was only a no-obligation, mutually compromising agreement. So, is love an agreement then? Once your needs are fulfilled you impose all the blame upon the other person, majestically denying the fact that anyone can see what reality is?

Still unsure, can a relationship exist only on “terms and conditions” with no love to hold them together. Does it actually deserve to be called a relationship at all? The debate goes on….. A never ending quest…..

A foot massage… a glass of fresh lime in the BUZZ ….and an evening’s confession

Still unsure.. shall I call it a date or something else? Was there an agenda for meeting or mere selfish pleasure of being in the company?

I never realized, loving someone can be so amazing, especially when you know you are no one to the person you love.
I know my first statement itself is contradictory. But things are not as it seem to be….

No plans. Shall we go for a cup of coffee? May be to “Barista” or in the nearest “Costa”…. Everything is so uncertain. No guesses, no decision and no destination. An aimless journey and untiring waiting…..

And once you are on the tryst, something even more marvelous waits for you. So what could be your first date like, that too with someone who has never loved you or neither have a desire to love. I can understand you must be puzzled again—
How could I call it a date?
Yeah of course—it was a wonderful experience— a splendid foot massage—some serene moments in the dimmed corner of “BUZZ” and two exploring eyes in search of “ultimate truth”.
I wonder, does “utopia” really exist! Let’s not assume or neither manipulate. What appears may not be reality —but if anything you can call a “heaven on earth” was last night’s “date”. It was as pleasant as living in a dream—soft touches under the spell of mesmerizing musical notes…. What more? A 30 minutes foot massage—away from the humdrum is all you are destined to.
For a second I felt let’s hold this moment….The slow circular movements of her tiny hands, and the cool surroundings—dimly lit antique-looking room— as if you are in an utopian world. What mattered more was the “time” which I never wanted to lose. With every passing second I could feel time is too short and the next moment I look back I will no longer find him beside me. May be it was a strong desire or a longing-ness to be close to someone you love (again let me remind someone who does not love you). Was it just a moment’s pleasure or a strong wish to be one with my feelings I don’t know. Wonder is this love that was in the airs?

You know it was a date….. (Let me specify, a date with some one who does not love you). What next? Let’s go to “BUZZ”. I was hesitant but somewhere deep down inside my heart my conscience said “I have dedicated the evening in your name”. Spellbound I moved on— I felt there odd man out…. Sipping fresh lime I sat beside—don’t know what would have been my best behaviour at that moment. May be my company itself meant a lot or may be I could have joined for the beer for a last cheer. It was a matter of being with someone dear—no matter it was a bar or in the war.

Time moved in its winged chariot—but I remained where I was— only to realize that someone is becoming indispensable for me (I told early it is my first date with someone who does not love me)… So, which is the next destination?

It was already 10 PM, we had to rush back. Thoughts creeped in, the car moved on swiftly exploring the realms of darkness….. a long way to go….. and you don’t know where you are heading towards!

(I moved on with a promise not to look back again….. only to realize I am no more where I was…. The vacuum existed… and I carried along the obligation of an evening’s confession……)